New Poem

When you look into my eyes what do you see?

Do you see a gliding blue fish wandering through hoping to get free?

Do you see this other world full of peace and freedom?

Or do you see a world with war, blood and sorrow?

Oh please let me be free please let me get away

I’m sick and tired of all the people pulling me back when I’m fighting to push forward

You see all that you want but deep down you know nothin

The core of your body is who you are and it shines every once in a while

And I’m trying so hard to let it shine right on through to the other side

So I’m breathing fighting just riding the ride

Waiting, anticipating that only chance coming up so fast

it wants you to dance that dance that will be your last

Stupid Life

How can you be so good?

When you walk around acting like you’re from the hood.

You walk with that limp like you’re so cool.

As you sit around watching that girl and drool.

Up and down she goes as your jeans get tight.

While you sit alone in this dwelling night.

This life so stupid and you finally see.

Everyone around you going so free.

you hear that voice from so long ago.

telling you to go back and you finally know.

you’re white no aa

lets go back to the day

when you a normal boy

that acted so coy

you went to school did sports and shit

but you knew there was more so you had a fit

you went off got high joined a fucking gang

went around and did bang bang bang bang

you’re so stupid look what you’ve done

i watched you grow up now you go and have fun

but i know that’s lies

i can see the cries

you asking to come back

when you’re so out of wack

let’s rewind and go back to what we had

that love so true and it’s turned out so bad

part of me wants to love you as well as hate

could this be fake or something like fate?

you come along as I see the new you outside

but i know you just taking this new you for a ride

as you come up to me with that beautiful smile

and i see the old you that’s been gone for a while

than i see your new friends and you change to the new you

you’re not the same and i finally knew

were going a different road

taking off this huge load

and i finally see

I am going to be free

like everyone else in your old life

as your “new” friends take out that sharp knife

bam you’re gone and you were so young

just trying to have a little fun

goodbye to everything that you could’ve had

i wish you were smart and didn’t act so bad

i sit here tonight in this new city

thinking back to you and kinda feel so shitty

I loved you but i gotta move on

to this new life that isn’t like a con

smiling away thinking about the day

when it was so true so real now you’ve gone away

life’s good i think leaning back to sleep

waiting for the next day to start with a leap.

Some Poetry

When you look around you and don’t see or feel nothing

While you watch the clouds around you springing an puffing.

Let’s take a second sit down for a short break

While the room around you starts to shake

You need that white dust that floats to the sky

While you wish you were up there feeling so high

You feel nothing, you’re numb but there’s this deep pain

That stirs so strong sometimes come on please take away the shame

What has happened to this strong wild girl? You feel nothing no more and you feel this sharp driven pain to the core. You look to my changing colors of eyes and see a deep sadness that shows so many cries. It will never go away! NEVER but just take my hand and let me put my head down and stay. I need someone there to help me through this deep mess of things because I feel so blue. You’re there in my mind but not outside. I miss you Oh do I miss you

You fly so high up in the sky, watching down at me being how I be, you love me I love you and even if you're not here I know you are always still near, you're my blood so I'll always have you even if you are in heaven while I am down at the ground waiting to be found. I remember that goodbye it lingers deep inside. It shall be there always and it may make me cry but I know you are happy flying in that sky.

Love is to Lust what you all may think but if you don’t have lust you will never have love Running through space, trying to find that face

When you finally find it all senses are lost

You look in to there eyes seeing those cries

Wondering how you deserve to be with this one

Hiding your emotions just wanting to open up

You can with this one oh how amazing it feels

Just tingles inside as your skin peels

Each peel shows more of who you really are

Its bundled up inside just wanting to hide

There’s a shell all around you but inside something else

This pureness so beautiful so soft to the touch

It’s a pool of warmness just wishing to be free

With you, each shell slowly melts until you see

Flowers all around you and this beautiful goddess

That’s me??? You think... you can’t believe it no way

This whole time I’ve been the lead actress in a different play

never showing my true identity until I meet you my dear

I love you I whisper not knowing what to say

As you grab my hand and smile that smile

I love you too he says as the light shines through

It’s finally free and only because of you.

Yesterday I went to my acting class and my teacher said my door and the partner I was with was outstanding. That was pretty awesome to hear. Went to that than went to a music video audition. It was interesting..... to say the leas. First off had to bring a bikini.... second off waited for 2 hours.... 3rd off had to dance very sexy in a bikini.... lol also sang... thank goodness I am outgoing. When I got done with that I went to an opening for a club called haute which was very amazing. Saw the blonde dude from high school musical and other stuff. Don't really like that movie though.... hmm what else? Oh yes I wandered to the 101 cafe with my friend ate fried chicken (it's bomb there) Than all the sudden this guy walks in who looked extremely like Joe Jonas... Look more closely and what do ya know? It was Joe Jonas... lol very funny. I got home and went to sleep because I had to wake up early for work. Had work today... the owners came in for most of the time I was working so worked very hard... I usually try to work hard though all the time. Just not as intense... it's stressful. Worked worked worked than got home and cleaned the entire apartment so extremely tired right now... but it looks really nice now. I went to CVS with this container of coins we collected and got $69.05!!! woo hoo Now I am in my comfy bed watching TV on the new dresser we got for very inexpensive at a garage sale so I can see my TV. Going to go to bed soon than meet with a bunch of people tomorrow. Farewell au revoir adios shalom

goodnight

xoxo

Lilly

Busy Lilly

Today and yesterday is one blog! I will start with yesterday..... Yesterday I woke up and got ready for acting class. Went back to class after a long time. My friend stopped and I can understand why she did. I totally believe in everything they teach I just think they pick favorites sometimes. I do agree with everything they teach though. Went to that didn't feel very good.... Stayed after stupidly and hurt my back.. lol I don't even know how I did. I used to go to a chiropractor and stopped so now my back is all messed up. After acting class I came home and just relaxed and rested my back. Didn't go to bed till late though. Woke up this lovely morning at 7:30 to do my hair for this music video audition that I found out is not till tomorrow. Went to work had an okay day i guess. Just lovely work..... Got my contract for the movie I am doing yay! it is official. Got off work went to the address for this music video and there was a play rehearsal going on I was like wtf? ha ha Came home made the dinner today it was yummy and played Parcheesi with my momma won both times. woo hoo Staying up to talk to someone that lives in France on skype :) excited about that. Talk to you guys later don't know what else to say and not in the best mood right now hopefully it will get better.

Night

xoxo,

Lilly

Errands Girl

Woke up today, got ready and went to run some errands. Got a starbucks for the first time in a while.... Went to RiteAid and the bank and post office. The "job" my mom was offered was a total SCAM and we kind of figured it out right away. They sent checks that were fake ridiculous. I got to work and am just kind of annoyed with the whole thing. I havent been talking about it too much but I really don't like it. I like dressing up and being myself at work and i am not that here. The people aren't very nice to me either and I feel like because I slipped and fell they are totally against me now because I had to go to the hospital :( it sucked and it totally was not my fault I need the job so I am just going to tough it out and keep going. Today at work I met a jewelry owner who was very sweet and wanted to hang out. I met a girl with him to who was totally awesome as well. Tiring day at work now watching a show called Demons on BBC America Secret Diaries of a Call Girl isn't on On Demand yet :( Well talk to you soon

Muah,

xoxo,

Lilly

Sunny Lilly

Today was an eventful day. Woke up kind of early to go to the farmers market in the lovely sun! I walked around with the confidence of a superstar and than I went to Del Shores garage sale. We bought a chair and dresser for very inexpensive, I'm actually sitting in the chair right now watching Keeping up with the Kardashians for some dumb reason. Del Shores gave me a little acting lesson which was extremely helpful. He also does acting workshops that I will start. I had to heave the two heavy ass furniture pieces with my mom but we did! So self assuring :) I than was hot and sweaty and took my doggies to the dog park right by the Hollywood sign. Absolutely beautiful in all aspects. Left there even more tired and decided to go to l' petit Ermitage and went swimming forever than it got cold.... and the pool was like a bath. Did not want to get out..... Finally got out got changed and watched the old James Bond eating a caesar salad. met a famous photographer and he told me to email him which was cool. Now just sitting at home missed Secret diaries of a Call Girl on Show time new season started yay! Will watch it on on demand for right now just wait. I am in a good mood replenished and feeling good just still stressed about money but what can I do? Anyways talk to you guys later.

Muah,

Xoxo,

Lilly